You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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