mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
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