If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
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Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
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So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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