what day is it and did you see me today?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You can't just leave with hair like that
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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