JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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