This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
