You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
