Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
