You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
either way he was missing a nipple.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
