So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
