I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
