i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
