Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
