if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
