it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
That accounts for only three of the penises
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
