Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
