so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I need to stop coming to work sober
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
