his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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