He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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