areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Randomize
