bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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