Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
so let's talk penis.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
