The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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