He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
