I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
