I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
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It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
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Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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