Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
