Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
you will always have a special place in my vag
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
