Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
