he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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