So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
