I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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