Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
