How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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