I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
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he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
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yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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