his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
