Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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