yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
