guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
