First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
