This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Drake has all the answers
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
