So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
