and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
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I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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