So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
3 2 1 whiskey
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
