your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Will you blow on my dice?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You pole danced in your parka.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
