I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
