You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
