I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She needs sedatives and a leash
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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