his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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