You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
