Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
