So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
