Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
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