this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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