I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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