I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
