dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
