Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
