I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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