I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
