I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
