i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
It's like God shit irony all over that family
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
