I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize