okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
