I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
