This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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