im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
