Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
