I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
