if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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