I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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