found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
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Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
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I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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