do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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